Diary of a First Time Celebrant
- Elizabeth Reece
- Oct 6
- 6 min read
Five minutes out from the venue.
‘Biblical’ weather battered my van and I pulled over to video the experience. You see, it was my first time.
I wanted to remember everything about it. As the wedding season was drawing to a close, I had loved seeing @kerrymorgan.photography 's beautiful photographs of weddings that had been affected by torrential rain and how the brides, grooms and their guests had embraced it, laughing it off and carrying on with their celebrations.
I knew that today would be the same.
“Mariage pluvieux, mariage heureux” – roughly translated means ‘rainy wedding, happy marriage.’ The rain symbolising cleansing and renewal speaks to a love that can weather any storm.
I was looking forward to meeting the ‘talking heads’ of friends and family I had enjoyed video calls with to build a picture of the love story that had brought us to this day. To seeing what magic @grantmorganweddings and his team had arranged to bring the ceremony inside.
Ninety chairs and a trail of rose petals insitu and a pensive groom awaited my arrival.
Wondering through the beautiful @mas_st_germain to greet the bridal party, I arrived just in time to see the ladies wind their way down a spiral staircase to wait out the worst of the weather. And then the bride – radiant. Smiling, peaceful. We hugged each other tightly.
The groomsmen moved about, looking purposeful. The groom, the perfect host. Migrating towards me, speaking in hushed tones. Not anxious exactly but clearly full of emotion and anticipation. Did I offer calm reassurance? I was simply present with him. Available. An anchor.
I met the caterers and marveled at their calm. Professional, experienced. One day of preparation to produce delectable canapes to accompany the post ceremony cocktails.
The rain had stopped, the puddles were disappearing and having confidently assured the groom that in less than an hour we could have clear skies, I counted my lucky stars as an amateur meteorologist that the sun was now demanding that the clouds part in time for the vows. It did one better as its warm rays steamed into the covered courtyard, drying the damp seat cushions and illuminating the exact spot that I would soon be standing with the Bride and Groom either side of the mic.
I had concerns about this microphone and its position. How would I hold my script and juggle removing it for vows and readings? I needed to be heard but I needed my glasses to see my prompts. I needed to speak with the Bride and Groom while connecting with their guests – who would be a blurry mass of smiling faces very shortly. I also needed to speak whilst giving the photographer the best possibility for her shots.
I would figure it out as we went along. "It would be alright on the night," as they say.
I chatted with @laetitialeofoldphotographe the photographer. I am a member of a Facebook group that does free photoshop, noticing how many people ask for the Celebrant to be photoshopped out of their pictures! I had carefully curated my outfit to be understated but stylish and transformed my barnet from channeling Cousin ‘It’ to rocking an ‘Amelie.’ If I was to be in the photos of their special day forever, I did not want to be the reason that any of these images were disguarded!
With our positioning agreed, I had no responsibilities other than to remain available and wait. The weather had delayed the delivery of the last seventeen guests and over an hour after the scheduled start of the proceedings, with a deviated route of entry for the bridal party, we were ready for action.
As I stood before the guests, one eye on the wedding planner who was to signal me to announce the arrival of the Bridesmaids by asking them to, “Please be upstanding,” I realised that something was missing.
My nerves. Both a help and a hindrance to any public speaker, they were noticeably absent.
I wondered why I was so calm. Not a hint of hesitation or a tremor in my voice, nor even the slightest tremble in my right leg that had characterised my corporate pitches and which I noticed later was affecting the Bride. It is a scary place to be on display and to carry the full attention and focus of an audience. I had established various parameters for my own comfort way before I found myself in this sacred position of trust.
1. It’s not about me. It is not a performance. I am the facilitator of the story. The keeper of the flame. (Read more here) My outfit, my positioning ensured that people could focus on my words and not on me. My role was to blend in, not stand out.
2. I agonised over using a tablet or a paper script. I had both but somehow a paper script in a folder gave me comfort. It also felt appropriate in our low tech environment surrounded by candles, rose petals and exposed stone. I could hand it to the Grooms mother to read from without having to give her a lesson. I could give the couple a copy of the ceremony with my doodles and their amendments as a memento. The Groom had memorised the vows and me, without any possibility of subtlety shuffling closer to the Bride, angling them in her direction was a mirthful bit of respite in the midst of the serious part of the ceremony.
3. I knew the couple standing with me. I admired and respected them. I had spent the last nine months visiting their Universe, though the eyes of their friends and had crafted a Ceremony that was uniquely theirs.
4. I had deliberately not memorised the Ceremony. The temptation would have been to speak directly to individuals. Thus, bringing the attention to me and away from the couple. It also meant that when a small child’s observation, delivered with the most exquisite comedic timing caused prolonged hilarity to ensue, I wasn’t thrown. When opportunities arose to ad lib, I could do it comfortably. When jokes landed gracefully, I could use the break to prepare mentally prepare the next section.
The Ceremony script was the second iteration. (See ‘The Keeper of the Flame’ Blog) The first was characterised by having met the Groomsmen and the Best Man online, received written responses from the bride’s family but one crucial contributor remained elusive.
Pinning 30-somethings down to a conversation was a challenge in itself. I had to remind myself that the wedding party were in the exact same age bracket that I was in when my Personal and Professional life was at it’s most consuming. Clear communication, firm boundaries and specific prompts ensured that I got what I needed and the missing ingredients of the brides childhood bestie changed everything.
The story, became lighter, more magical. We laughed about Harry Potter, Dragons and magical wardrobes and a love that whilst obvious to all around them was cultivated carefully, deliberately and safely. Built on a foundation of teamwork, generosity, adventure and community.
The ceremony maintained its gravity, teasing the most amusing elements of their early relationship so the Best Man could run with them to his hearts content as everyone relaxed during the Wedding Breakfast.
My twenty-five minutes now over, the Groom remembered I had not been specifically invited to stay. This did not go without saying, although as far as they were concerned, it did. Which was lovely. I was touched by the feedback of the guests and could see the emotion still sitting with the Grooms father as he hugged me in gratitude.
Whilst strictly speaking, not my job, I was happy to grab a platter and mingle with the guests. It felt like the most efficient way to briefly chat to people without encroaching too much on the party.
Job done, role fulfilled, I happily trundled off in my little van. Buzzing. Happy and fulfilled in a way that no successfully delivered pitch or presentation had ever made me feel. More biblical weather and getting hopelessly lost couldn’t dampen my spirits on this day.
As one guest pointed out and it is not lost on me – this is the best job in the world.
If you are looking for a Celebrant in the Southwest of France (all locations Globally, considered) who uses her Professional Coaching & Author skills to get the story, her Project Management skills to ensure seamless presentation and integration with the team, who will discover, define and deliver your Ceremony with you, let's connect.
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